What Does a Woman Want?

 

Once again VoxPopilogue goes haywire! This week’s interactive edition goes international and focuses on what veterans have to say about love and marriage. From Al Gore to George Bush to Barrack Obama and back to Socrates it’s love wantintin (love galore). The fishers of love talk about their experience in and out of love. And, as usual, the omnipresent opiloguist interjects with his irritating tantrums, poking his nose everywhere and in every pie. Guess who speaks first?

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still, they stay together. Al Gore

The green peace activist and former Vice President of the United States of America, may be right. After 41 years of marriage, he surely knew where the shoe was pinching him before he finally called it quits with his wife. What God had put together Al Gore had allowed Lucifer to put asunder. Will somebody play “Bye Bye Love” by the Everly Brothers for the estranged Al Gores? “Bye bye love, bye bye happiness. Hello, loneliness….” Somebody seems to have a more philosophical response:

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. Tommy Lee.

Chei! I think such wars should come under the generic name: “War of Roses”. It’s better to sleep with the enemy even if he is a man than slaughter him. Or was it not once said that it is better to make love than to make war? Ask the “Flower Children” of the Charles Mason “pot” era. So if marriage is war, let the shelling continue all nights but let the Red Cross people stay away. The couples can handle the aftermath of the laser-guided carpet bombings. Or what do you say?

The great question…which I have not been able to answer is…, “What does a woman want?”. George Clooney.

I myself don’t know. You give a woman love, caring, affection, and all the good things money can buy and she still nags you for only God-knows-what. What does a woman really want?

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Bill Clinton.

Talk of nagging! A woman is naturally a chatterbox and woe betides the man who stirs the hornet’s nest with a Horny-ca Lewinsky in his study. But some husbands can be too busy to shift their oval office to Cloud 9. Hear the man below.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage (and I explain)… We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. George W. Bush.

Not an unusual explanation from a man who was too busy planning a sequel to the Gulf War started by his father, his predecessor. Marriage has a way of transforming man but let’s hear from the horse’s mouth.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates.

That may be true especially if you, yourself, are as ugly as Socrates. The best philosophers are the ugliest (?) Try the man below.

Woman inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them. Mike Tyson.

The Iron Man knows what he is talking about especially after his encounters with women beginning with Desire Washington. If you don’t understand the direction of his argument, perhaps, a fellow sportsman could be of assistance. Open the door for another Mike.

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage. Michael Jordan.

In the Western world, marriage comes first, then divorce, then alimony. Jordan has become a philosopher of love because he knows where his earnings end up. Muhammad Ali is shaking and gnashing his teeth, not because of Parkinson’s disease but because of the alimony that comes out of his wallet every month — otherwise called “Ali’s Money” — for the upkeep of his divorced wives. Thiery Henry, the Igwe of French football, is also crying to the bank. No wonder professional sweethearts are always humming like bees around sportsmen. They want to leak their “money pot”. But not everybody regrets because of money.

I’ve had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t. The third gave me more children (than my wallet could contain). Donald Trump.

Triple jeopardy.

There are two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: Whenever you are wrong, admit it. And whenever you are right, shut up! Shaquille O’Neal.

Good advice because Napoleon is always right. Is there any other antidote that is different? Check the barracks or the White House.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she is wrong. Barrack Obama.

Even in God’s own Aso Rock? We don’t have to go too far to illustrate women’s power on the home front because what a woman is looking for in Sokoto is actually under her husband’s sokoto.

Marriage is not a contest, never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win. Herbert Fisher, 104-year-old man of North Carolina, USA, who has just marked 86th year of marriage with his 101-year-old wife, Zelmyra.

This is a Guinness Book World record which all couples should aim at. The sacred oath, “until death do us part,” should be allowed to draw a perpetual anchor in the memory. The irony of the Fishers’ tale is that this is happening in God’s own country where divorce is two for a dollar!

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once… Kobe Bryant.

Sure! You will hear wen!!

“A man inserted an advert in the newspaper: ‘ Wife wanted’. Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine’ “.

So why are men at the receiving end of women’s “terrorism”? Is a wedding ring synonymous with a pair of handcuffs?

First, there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring…soon after…comes the suffe-ring! Jay Leno.

That’s Leno’s submission but generally speaking, why is the marriage world inside out, upside down in the western world? The conversation below may give a clue.

Woman to her husband: “Honey, what happened to ‘Ladies first’?’’ Husband: “That’s the reason why the world is a mess today because a lady went first!”

Male chauvinism in its most naked form! Father, forgive them for they know not what they are talking about.

 

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